I have arrived at a place in life where a shift has occurred. I am approaching 65 years old and I no longer am involved in life in the same manner as in the past. Not to say that I am not involved, it is a different involvement.
The past, for me, involved being an employee or at least being responsible to others for my work product, being a parent concerned with the welfare of and trying to be responsible for the betterment of my children and trying to find my place in society, where did I belong. Also, and I hate to admit this, how I was perceived by others. I would have liked to imagine myself immune to worrying about the image I projected to others but I must be honest here and admit that I did concern myself with how others thought of me.
As I look back at my life I find that in fact most of my thoughts and actions were directed towards satisfying needs or requirements that were outer directed. Did I satisfy my employer or supervisor? Am I going to get that promotion? Am I meeting my obligations to my children? Are my parents proud of me? Do I drive the right car to impress others? Am I thought of as successful and worthy by my friends and neighbors? All of my thoughts and actions were at the very least shaded by the concerns I had as to whether or not I was good enough in fulfilling my obligations and projecting the desired image of myself. In other words, my thoughts, efforts and actions were designed to satisfy concerns that were outer directed, to meet the imagined or real expectations of others.
I am in a different place now. I do not answer to an employer or supervisor. My parents are both deceased. My children are all grown and prospering and probably beginning to wonder if they might have to some day need to provide care for me. I also no longer find myself thinking that I have anyone out there to impress and their opinions of me don't really matter that much.
So what is left? My life now is one that is inner directed. I wake up in the morning with a new opportunity to pursue my interests and passions. I can start to write the next great American novel. I can learn how to hit a sand wedge and how far it is supposed to go. I can take time to volunteer for a cause that means something to me. I can understand all of the excuses I have used throughout my life to avoid taking responsibility for my happiness and contentment are no longer valid. I can sit at home in my easy chair, remote in hand and resent that my children have lives of their own, that I have no co-workers to rely on my genius for getting things done or that social media has taken over the world and I feel left behind. My choice. Or perhaps I can begin to take responsibility for my life, to examine myself and start to plot a future that is inner directed and not reliant upon others to make me relevant.
The past, for me, involved being an employee or at least being responsible to others for my work product, being a parent concerned with the welfare of and trying to be responsible for the betterment of my children and trying to find my place in society, where did I belong. Also, and I hate to admit this, how I was perceived by others. I would have liked to imagine myself immune to worrying about the image I projected to others but I must be honest here and admit that I did concern myself with how others thought of me.
As I look back at my life I find that in fact most of my thoughts and actions were directed towards satisfying needs or requirements that were outer directed. Did I satisfy my employer or supervisor? Am I going to get that promotion? Am I meeting my obligations to my children? Are my parents proud of me? Do I drive the right car to impress others? Am I thought of as successful and worthy by my friends and neighbors? All of my thoughts and actions were at the very least shaded by the concerns I had as to whether or not I was good enough in fulfilling my obligations and projecting the desired image of myself. In other words, my thoughts, efforts and actions were designed to satisfy concerns that were outer directed, to meet the imagined or real expectations of others.
I am in a different place now. I do not answer to an employer or supervisor. My parents are both deceased. My children are all grown and prospering and probably beginning to wonder if they might have to some day need to provide care for me. I also no longer find myself thinking that I have anyone out there to impress and their opinions of me don't really matter that much.
So what is left? My life now is one that is inner directed. I wake up in the morning with a new opportunity to pursue my interests and passions. I can start to write the next great American novel. I can learn how to hit a sand wedge and how far it is supposed to go. I can take time to volunteer for a cause that means something to me. I can understand all of the excuses I have used throughout my life to avoid taking responsibility for my happiness and contentment are no longer valid. I can sit at home in my easy chair, remote in hand and resent that my children have lives of their own, that I have no co-workers to rely on my genius for getting things done or that social media has taken over the world and I feel left behind. My choice. Or perhaps I can begin to take responsibility for my life, to examine myself and start to plot a future that is inner directed and not reliant upon others to make me relevant.
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